Welcome to my new blog. My journey to wellness has been going on for some time now. This is a new beginning after quite a large setback in that journey and I plan to share my experiences as I embark on a new and exciting wellness plan. Along with my wonderful naturopathic team at Alt Med in Black Hawk, SD, I am beginning yoga with Kris Van Deusen at Yoga One in Rapid City. Words can't express how excited I am about the yoga. I really and truly believed that until I dropped some weight I would not be able to participate in yoga. Kris taught me otherwise.
I will begin with a little history. My weight is my main issue and many of my other health conditions are complications of the obesity. I was a "chunky" baby, as my mom used to say. My biological mom was diabetic and the believe after years of research into the situation as an adult, is that I was born with an overabundance of insulin. My bio mom had many insulin reactions while pregnant with me. Added to the situation was the fact that I was carried longer than a diabetic baby should be carried. Something about the baby developing faster than a non-diabetic's baby. 47 years ago in small town Saskatchewan mistakes were made and my mother was waiting on the doctors to tell her when I should be induced, and the doctors figured she should come to them when she was ready... How they expected a 17 year old on her first pregnancy to know when that time was, I am not sure, but that's a question and a story for another time.
Until the age of 7 I was at the high end of normal for my weight/height ratio. So I guess "chunky" is a good word for it. When I was 7 my dad passed away suddenly in an accident and much later in therapy we decided that I suffered from some abandonment issues. I began to put on a little more weight then. I was never an athletic type and preferred reading to any other activity so the extra pounds crept on little by little. By the time I was in junior high school and high school I was heavy enough to be bullied and teased for my weight and that was when I began to seek comfort from my friend, carbohydrates. It was in high school that I began to sneak food. In my senior year I weighed 170 lbs but lost 21 lbs through a very strict diet where I went in daily to weigh in and receive that day's worth of supplements because the diet was so restrictive that i required supplements to get all of my nutrition. I lost 21 lbs and graduated, weighing in at about 150 lbs. On a 5'2 frame that is still pretty heavy.
Then I went to college. Oh, college life... the parties, the alcohol, the poor food choices, the lack of sleep, the stress I placed upon myself with my studies... I ballooned up past 200 lbs that first year. And then it began. A consistent weight gain over the years. It was only a couple pounds a month, so hardly noticeable at the time. Until I finally stepped on a scale again in my late 30's and discovered that what I thought might be 260 lbs on my body was over 300. That was when I decided I had to start making changes. I was still healthy for the most part. I had developed asthma and an emotional disorder which were both controlled with medication. I sought out a life skills coach who helped me to become aware of things I was stuffing away and to become aware of my lifestyle and my choices. I made huge progress in my area but the weight alluded me. Doctors were stumped. I had changed my way of eating and it wasn't perfect, but it was far better than it had been. Tests for thyroid issues came back normal. All my tests came back normal. My doctor once told me that on paper I shouldn't be overweight. I had spent time in therapy and dealt with the abandonment issues and some abuse issues that took place during my college years. I healed emotionally so that I was able to go off of those medications. My life skills coach was wonderful and helped me so much during that time.
I met my husband in this time period and although I tried to drop weight before the wedding, like most brides do, I didn't have a lot of success with it. We married when I was 38 and with him being an American and me being Canadian I went through the immigration process to join him. It took two years. During that time I continued to work and my weight was beginning to make things difficult for me, though not impossible. During that last winter in Canada I slipped on some ice leaving work one night and hyperextended both knees. Since then I have had issues with my knees and what little walking I did became less because it hurt if my knees were acting up.
I finally had enough and began to work with the team at Alt Med in Black Hawk when I was 43. With their help I managed to heal my lungs so that I no longer had issues with asthma. But I learned what some of the other health problems were. My liver was overtaxed and not functioning properly. Some chest pain that I often got off and on and doctors would tell me was an inflammation of my chest wall actually was an inflammation in the endocardium (wall of the heart). They told me that my body wasn't letting go of the weight because it wasn't healthy enough to yet. But we would get there. Then we got kids.
Ny weight kept me from conceiving, so my husband and I decided to foster and adopt. Because of my experience working with adults and children with developmental disabilities and abnormal behaviours we decided to foster and adopt a therapeutic child, one who has a need for continued therapy at home as well as with a therapist. Jesse joined us at the age of 12 and the stress increased immensely. And my weight started to increase too. All that time I had continued to hover around the 300-320 weight, losing and gaining the same 20 lbs over and over. Then I climbed to 360 lbs. Then 380. I started to really focus on weight loss and again lost and gained the same 20 lbs over and over. After Jesse's adoption two years later, things were going very well. We decided in 2010 to try working with his biological sister and see if the two could be reunited. Jesse's sister joined our family in the early spring of 2011. Things did not work out. The stress in the house increased so that we all were ill all the time. Mine was worst. I caught every flu bug going that year. I was ill with the avian flu, followed closely by the swing flu, followed by a flu bug in my trapezoid muscle (and if you don't know how much you use that muscle, I can tell you, it is used in just about every move you make... the pain and stiffness was so bad I was pretty much paralyzed by it for two weeks). Then I got a relapse of both the avian flu and the swine flu. I was just coming out of all of that when, in October, a good friend of the family committed suicide. The foster placement with Jesse's sister disrupted in early November. And I stepped on the scale and weighed over 400 lbs. I was crushed. I asked my naturopath why when everyone else is sick with the flu they lose weight, but I gained. He did some tests and found that my body was completely depleted of iodine. Apparently the immune system also uses iodine and when it ran out of its stores, it took from the thyroid, throwing me effectively into a hypothyroid state. So I am on iodine supplements all the time now. I was just starting to feel good again when my worst nightmare came true. My mom passed away in December.
2012 was a very emotional year for me. I managed to hold my own with my weight, neither gaining any more nor losing. I started a walking program, adopting what I call "the baby steps" mantra. In the past I would go gung ho for exercise and do too much too fast, get sore and have to stop and then not get motivated to go again. This time I started slowly, walking around my house. I increased my time weekly by one minute each week. Soon I was walking for half an hour. When spring came I started walking outside and began to measure my walks in distance. Then I found an app for my phone that has a wonderful pedometer on it and I started measuring by steps and distance. I had a set back in September when I tripped and fell, doing soft tissue damage to my leg and damaging the lymphatic system in that leg. Edema is a huge issue for me and the walking had started to get that under control. With this damage it came back, I became sedentary while it healed, and have only just started getting back to where I was at before the injury. Over Christmas I decided to just let myself have what I wanted. It was the comfort thing, having just come through the first anniversary of my mom's passing. I gained 5 lbs over Christmas.
So far this year, my whole family has been ill with the cold viruses, passing them back and forth despite our attempts to keep them at bay. I am finally feeling better and Kris' suggestion couldn't have come at a better time.
I met Kris in 2010 through work. I quit the job shortly into it when we decided we would try to foster Jesse's sister. When Kris contacted me about a yoga group she would like to start for larger women, I was thrilled, but knowing my limitations, I didn't think I could participate well doing yoga. She read my story and suggested independent lessons. I jumped at the chance and here we are.
Yesterday was my first yoga class with Kris. She is so easy to work with and is willing to go with the baby step mantra that I follow. She truly cares and wants to help people. I feel so blessed and I know that our short "business" relationship was there so that she could be a part of my healing journey when the time was right. That time is now. God and the Universe is so wise!!
I didn't know what to expect, but Kris worked with me on what I could do. We discovered that my upper body is still pretty flexible and we did breathing and some stretches. I stiffened up a few hours later and thought I would be in for it this morning, but you know, I feel pretty good. I felt wonderful immediately after the class and I am thrilled that I don't have the pain I expected this morning. Don't get me wrong, I feel it. I know that those gentle stretches worked my arms, back, shoulders and even my legs (despite sitting the whole time, my legs do feel it). I have some stiffness in those muscles but not to the point where I am unable to move today. I am so looking forward to all the little milestones I am going to reach with Yoga. And I look forward to sharing each and every one of them here with you.
Namaste
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